I wish I knew the perfect way to word this or maybe as imperfectly as I have heard it in my mind. I guess I have been writing this blog in my mind for a while now. Only now, I don't know what else to do about the situation - other than to write. How can I put this in a way that will not offend...fuck that, I know I am going to offend someone. The one draw back is that it will more than likely offend someone "close" to me. I think you should know that I smirked out loud at my last statement. "Close" is so relative -like most things in life. I do not believe I could say I am really "close" with anyone anymore. It has been years since I have shared my full true self to those in my life whether they are new or have known some version of me throughout my lifetime. Do you have someone in your life that you absolutely trust - with ALL your deepest, brightest or more so your darkest secrets/memories? Unfortunately I cannot put myself in that category. There is NO ONE I trust with any of my darkest...in fact, I don't know if anyone truly knows either one of those; brightest OR my darkest. So far even those I had thought at one moment or another that they had my back, they knew me = they believed in me... that reality has been rudely awakened to reality. Even IF someone says they believe you, they have your back - trust me on this people; that's a bold fucking lie. Sometimes the person spewing those empty promises and reassurance - are the ones that damage you the most. Trust....is a dangerous thing.