Wayne Haydamack came into my life when I was approximately ten years old. I do have a clear memory of that day. It was a Saturday morning, around 11 am. Wayne was the birth father of the three children residing with me; Mellissa age 8, Sandra age 14, and Danny age 18months. One each and every weekend Wayne would show up either on the Friday or the Saturday to pick up his children. Usually he would only take Mellissa – but occasionally he would take Sandra as well. A few weeks into my placement there, Wayne took notice too me.
Within a few days Wayne had put in a letter requesting that i be allowed to go with the Haydamack family on the weekend visits. Wayne was approved even though he himself was not yet approved as a foster parent through the Ministry of Children & Families. would become VERY rare that i would miss a weekend with Wayne Haydamack during my eight months in the care of Darlene Haydamack. Wayne would end up being a very big part of my life during the next four years of my life.
Even though I have not been physically and sexually abused by Wayne since I was 12 years of age – there has never been a single day that i have not had horrid flashbacks that come to me without warning that leave me feeling completely filthy, dirty and damaged.
I remember Wayne and what he did, what he said me, when he touched, talked, and so much more with me for over four years. Wayne was kind, gentle man towards me – all the while grooming me, making me believe we were to be husband and wife – that god chose for him to be my husband – even at my young age. Wayne would make God a big part of our time together – especially after Wayne had touched me sexually, or even went as far as making love to me as young as 8 years old. After Wayne had his way with me – he would clean us up and then perform a baptism on me where ever we were at the time. Wayne has baptized me in various locations; his home, his camper van, a couple public pools; Canada games in New Westminster, and Bonsor Pool several times. Wayne would always say the same things – that god was cleansing my soul – cleansing all my dirty sins – forgiving me of my sins… Wayne made me feel dirty. Like I was causing him to sin.
Years later actually during a court procedure – Wayne made reference to me being very seductive towards him – ultimately causing Wane to act inappropriately, sexually towards my child self years prior. He believed – and wanted the judge to believe that I , as a 8 year old was so seductive to both him and his birth mother – that I caused them to act out sexually towards me for the next four years.
I can admit that I was aware of Wayne’s obsession with me. I had been sexually abused for years before this – and honestly Wayne treated me like a princess. He spoiled me. He made me feel special, and said it so – which is not something I had been at all used too hearing. And, even when he was being sexually intimate with me — he was always gentle and kind – telling me he loved me. He made me believe that i was his wife, I was his lover. What him and I had was naughty he would say – and not right which is why he would baptize me after he would make me filthy again… over and over again he would do this for the four years he was in my life.
I can’t honestly handle any larger of a dose of “Wayne” right now. This is the first time I have ever really put it in writing… it’s exhausting, scary and also very empowering. I acknowledge those that are on this journey with me together. I recognize that what I am sharing is overwhelming, sad, shocking… but having my story heard gives me back my power, allowing for me to heal more and more each key stroke. Thank you again for reading my stories…